Rawk the Puck: Eastern Quarterfinal winners

17Apr07

Can anyone contain Spinal Tap? Methinks not! Here’s the winners for the Eastern Quarterfinal as voted by YOU and our panel. If you missed it, check out the Western Quarterfinal winners.

See the winners and panelist comments.

Buffalo Sabres vs. New York Islanders
Representing Buffalo: Peter Murphy, Cuts You Up
Representing New York: The Beatles, Long Long Long
Mike (Peter Murphy): The only good thing I have to say about Long Long Long is that Tanya Donelly covered it on her last album. I don’t get why so many people think it’s a hidden treasure. Peter Murphy, on the other hand, has crafted a superb piece of dark pop here. Bela Lugosi’s dead, and so are the Beatles in this round.

Chris (Beatles): If you’re gonna knock off the Fab Four, even at their wimpiest, you’ve got to do it with more than a tube of Born Blonde and strings. Beatles 4-2.

Greg (Peter Murphy): The Beatles song is just too subdued to be a good hockey song. Maybe if Entombed covered it, they’d have a chance.

Alanah (Peter Murphy): Peter Murphy, so much angst… so little food. Then there’s the Beatles. Is it possible one must be high to genuinely appreciate this musical accomplishment? (Actually, perhaps that’s what’s involved in being an Islanders’ fan…) Okay, I’ll give it to the Beatles. It just works on multiple levels.

Carla (Peter Murphy): Beatles Schmeatles. Call me a heathen, but that song put me to sleep. And for some reason, it seems to me like an incomplete part of a song, rather than a whole song. Like, it’s an idea for something rather than a finished product.
But I like that Peter Murphy song a lot. It picks you up and carries you along–a great driving song. And I have always loved that voice. The video is appalling, however, haha! Still, I prefer the Murphy over the (too) long, (too) long, (too) long Beatles (Schmeatles) tune. Heathen that I am.

David (Peter Murphy): Typically, the Beatles would beat competing artists handily, but in this case Peter Murphy squeaks out the win. Long, Long, Long sounds like a track Peter Murphy decided not to record. The Beatles sound like they are trying to be dark and unique, whereas Murphy actually is in this case.

Sherry (Peter Murphy): Come on, The Beatles get everything, they should learn to share. Peter Murphy.

AQ (Beatles): Hammer of the gods, Mike–you had to sully one of my favorite songs by associating it with the SlugThugs? I’ll take The Beatles…and if you’ll excuse me I have to go burn my Bauhaus CDs, because they’re irrevocably tainted.

New Jersey Devils vs. Tampa Bay Lightning
Representing New Jersey: Spinal Tap, Hell Hole
Representing Tampa Bay: Lightning Seeds, Pure
Mike (Spinal Tap): A vote against Tap is a vote against freedom, humanity, and cute puppies. Nothing can beat the almighty Tap.

Chris (Spinal Tap): A valiant fight, but Derek Smalls’s bulging paraphernalia lights the lamp at every security check, I mean, arena. There’s a fine line between stupid and clever, but Tap take it 4-1.

Greg (Spinal Tap): Do the Devils play “Hell Hole” at their home games? If they don’t, they should. I imagine that would be pretty intimidating. Lightning Seeds? Not intimidating.

Alanah (Spinal Tap): Spinal Tap — hate the song, LOVE The video. Pure has a similar affect on me, actually. Damn.. a tie? Can I do that? No. Okay then… Spinal Tap is the winner. Because a great video that makes me laugh is kind of like a John Tortorella Press Conference.

Carla (Lightning Seeds): Okay, now, I really do realize the obvious and sentimental vote has gotta be for Spinal Tap but keep in mind that I just voted against The (Sainted) Beatles (Schmeatles)…I absolutely love this song by The Lightning Seeds! Very New Orderesque–I think I even hear an homage to “Love Vigilantes” late in the song. I want to hear more by this band! I can feel none more black than I do finding myself in the position of having to vote against the mighty Tap.

David (Spinal Tap): This is a battle of finesse versus power. The Lightning Seeds have a better, but softer and more skillful song, while Spinal Tap shows sheer force and power (with a lot of irony and humor). It’s the Old NHL versus the new NHL, and in the playoffs, the strength and toughness win out. Pure and simple every time, Pure is a little soft for Rawk the Ruck! and while a great song, the Lightning Seeds get crushed by the sheer force that is Spinal Tap. They go to 11 in this one.

Sherry (Spinal Tap): Voting for Spinal Tap. Somebody had a LITTLE bit too much fun with their Casio on “Pure”, but that could just be because I’m too young to appreciate that.

AQ (Spinal Tap): Oh man….I’ll take Spinal Tap for this one, cos it’s Spinal Tap and they once bashed The People’s Hippiecratic Republic Of Chapel Hill (“It’s just some crappy university”).

Atlanta Thrashers vs. New York Rangers
Representing Atlanta: Neil Young, Thrasher
Representing NYR: Interpol, NYC
Mike (Interpol): Interpol’s one of my favorite bands. Neil Young, never really liked him, even when he filled in for puking Eddie Vedder at Golden Gate Park ten years ago. Snobby indie rock all the way!

Chris (Neil Young):I like Interpol, and this is a fave tune, but those dark glasses and suits are just a bit too mannered. Besides, that’s Young Neil! The legend rolls on, 4-3.

Greg (Neil Young): Neil Young is great, and this is a song I’d like to hear (maybe not six minutes’ worth) at a Thrashers game. Interpol is one of those bands that I like in theory, and then when I actually hear their music I fall into a deep, sound slumber.

Alanah (Interpol): Geez, it’s tough to go against Neil Young. Impossible even. But Interpol was worthy competition. And after a modest debate, I had pick them for the lyric, “the subway is a porno”. It makes me think SO MUCH of Brendan Shanahan in that ball gag a couple weeks ago. It must be fate.

Carla (Neil Young): Interwho? It’s nice to see that they seem to have mastered that one guitar chord. Their moms must be proud. It’s Neil Young, man. Do you seriously think a Canadian like me would vote against Neil Freakin’ Young?? Pfffft.

David (Interpol): When you go up against a consistent winner, a classic so to speak, you had better bring it, and bring it strong. In this case, Interpol, all mod’d out puts in a strong effort. The droning melody is similar to Neil Young’s Thrasher. This was closer than I thought it’d be, and in the end, after three overtimes, Interpol pulls it out on a lucky bounce.

Sherry (Interpol): NYC, hands down. Sorry Neil, you’re a Canadian darling but I’m a sucker for well-dressed indie rockers with pretentious haircuts, I guess.

AQ (Interpol): Another tough one, but I’m going to have to go with the heirs to Joy
Division (Interpol). Sorry Neil, but I hope you’ll remember that a southern woman doesn’t need you around anyhow.

Ottawa Senators vs. Pittsburgh Penguins
Representing Ottawa: Fountains of Wayne, Senator’s Daughter
Representing Pittsburgh: GWAR, Penguin Attack!
Mike (GWAR): GWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Chris (Fountains of Wayne): We don’t get playoff hockey here this June, but we do get Gwar (yes, I noted that on Pollstar the other day. Sigh). I’d rather stab Pavel Kubina’s stick in my ears. Fountains 4-zip.

Greg (GWAR): It takes a lot to beat a band that has killer penguins on its side. Whatever “Fountains of Wayne” is, it doesn’t pass muster. Really an unfair matchup — 10 seconds of Fountains of Wayne is too much, and then on the other side, there’s GWAR and penguins??

David (GWAR): There couldn’t be a stranger match up than this one. I’m scared to vote against GWAR, as I think they know where I live. GWAR oozes misdirected, immature creativity, while Fountains of Wayne presents a more skillful yet subtle musicality. Ultimately the energy and intimidation GWAR brings wins.

Alanah (Fountains of Wayne): Geezus.. I think if Sidney Crosby had been forced to sit and watch that GWAR video – and listen to that song – every last breath of talent would’ve been wrenched from his body. The Fountains of Wayne is an improvement, and thus the winner of my vote. (But that’s not saying much. Listening to my cat kill a bird would be preferable to GWAR.)

Carla (Fountains of Wayne): I cast my vote in Fountains of Wayne’s direction and now, immediately after having sat through the nightmare of GWAR, I must quickly saw off the top of my head, remove my brain, and give it a good scrub. (One observation before I go… She could take an eye out with those things she’s wearing.)

Sherry (Fountains of Wayne): For some reason, I had imagined a “Penguin Attack” to be much cuter. A vote for that song is a vote for Satansim and misogyny! Fountains of Wayne for me.

AQ (GWAR): True story: A friend of mine in Sactown knows the folks in GWAR, and at
one time was one of their securebots whenever they did shows in the Sacramento area. So out of loyalty to NoCal Mikey, I gotta go with Slymenstra, Beefcake, Oderus, and the rest of the gang.

The Results
Buffalo (Peter Murphy) 9 +6 = 15
NYI (The Beatles) 15 +2 = 17
Winner: New York Islanders: The Beatles take a 3-1 lead before the Lightning Seeds force a game 7, but Lennon, McCartney, & co. decisively win the final game.

New Jersey (Spinal Tap) 15 +7 = 22
Tampa Bay (Lightning Seeds) 3 +1 = 4
Winner: New Jersey: Spinal Tap and Martin Brodeur take out any wussy New Wavers in a four-game sweep.

Atlanta (Neil Young) 11 +3 = 14
NYR (Interpol) 8 +5 = 13
Winner: Atlanta: It took overtime in game 7, but the old flannel god beats out the sharp-dressed lads from New York.

Ottawa (Fountains of Wayne) 5 +4 = 9
Pittsburgh (GWAR) 16 +4 = 20
Winner: Pittsburgh: Seriously, GWAR has rubber costumes and hideous screaming vocals. Is anyone going to challenge them? I think not.

So, your Eastern Conference semis will pit New Jersey vs. the Islanders and Atlanta vs. Pittsburgh. New songs to represent each team will be up in a day or so.

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