If I Were a Hockey Player


Jes Golbez is getting me back for the “5 Weird Things” meme from a while back with the latest craze to hit the Internets: If I Were a Hockey Player! Jes was able to use a custom player from NHL 2007 (or 2K7, I can’t tell), but unfortunately I’m a console person and can’t screencap or import my face. So the next best thing is my lame Yahoo Avatar. Yes, I am dorky enough that I actually took the time to do this and make it kinda look like me.

Note: That actually is the color of my guitar. See?

If I Were a Hockey Player:

Team: San Jose Sharks (hometown) or London Knights (my UK adopted hometown — hey I used to be a bartender over there)
Uniform Number: 14
Position: Left Wing/Center
Nickname: My current beer league teammates offer the very uncreative “Chen!”
Dream Linemates: Wayne Gretzky at Center, Jeremy Roenick moved to RW
Rounding out the PP: Chris Chelios and Dan Boyle. Also, behind the bench would be Patrick Stewart because he coached Americans in soccer once.
Job: Getting open for Wayne and letting him bounce the puck off my skate to JR.
Signature Move: Covering for the pinching D, fanning on my shot
Strengths: Skating, defensive positioning, passing
Weaknessess: Shooting, being under 5’10”
Injury Problems? Wonky back
Equipment: Bauer Vapors from 5 years ago because I can’t skate on anything that’s rockered differently.
Nemesis: Shooting the puck, Chris Pronger, Sergei Zubov, Steve Yzerman
Scandal Involvement: Inviting JR, Dan Boyle, and Ben Clymer to my wedding (which I will do when we get them ready in a few months) and getting smashed with them
Who I’d face in the Stanley Cup Finals: New York Rangers, just so someone might actually watch the series on TV
What I’d do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Freeze myself in carbonite with it
Would the media love me or hate me? They’d love me but only because my constant references to Morrissey and Star Wars would make it easy for everyone to laugh at me.

So now I have to tag someone into the insanity. Alanah, John, Earl Sleek — you’re up!

2 Responses to “If I Were a Hockey Player”

  1. 1 Zanstorm

    “Freeze myself in carbonite with it”

    haha! Yeah as long as you would be at your house, and not Jabba’s Palace!

  2. 2 Earl Sleek

    Cloud City’s nice this time of year.

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